all i know now is that i have a relationship to mend.

now he's lying on whats most likely his deathbed.
and i can't make peace with him.
is he going to die without me having the strength to say that i love him?
cause i can't.
those are the words i can say to anyone i care about but not him.
i always thought that its his fault that our relationship has become like this.
maybe i had a part.
i didn't try.
but he did.
he kept trying for me.
he kept trying for us.
and i just blew him off and i kept pushing him away.
because of all the times he let us down.

and because of that.
i keep shutting myself away from him.
trying to protect myself from him so that i won't get hurt by him.

there was a point of time where i hated him.
and that he didn't deserve my love.
or any of my attention.
and that when he called, i'll just ignore it and leave it alone.

looking back at everything.
there are regrets.
no doubt.
but is it time to make amends?
at the very last minute?

is it even worth a try?

and all i'm asking is for GOD to give me strength.
its all i need now i guess.
maybe its all i need.
ever.